happy traveller

Rhys & I returned late last night from our California adventure. He's such a great traveller. I can't imagine another 2 or 3 year-old being so well-behaved spending 8 hours in a car, then 6 hours the next day, then 6 hours the next! He's such a joy.

We had a variety of experiences for such a short trip. On Friday, we stayed with my cousin & his family in Camarillo. Rhys had a great time playing with his cousins. I had a great time connecting with Scott & Cortney. We met up with Loren & his friend the next morning for breakfast, then drove down to San Diego with Loren.

We spent the rest of the time in San Diego with Rick & Julie (Lauren's parents) along with Lauren & Loren. They live in Little Italy and showed us around the area. Amazing weather! Rhys had his first encounter with the ocean, and couldn't get enough! He was knocked down by a few waves at La Jolla, but with a little encouragement he was able to enjoy the adventure of letting the waves pass us. We all met up with Brandon & Kerreth at La Jolla and again later at Harbor Church.

Straight after the evening church service, we hit the road again. Lauren stayed behind for another night. Brandon was such a gentleman to cancel his flight in order to accompany me on the drive... then Loren wasn't able to fit on a flight standby, so he drove with us too! That was much more fun than it would have been by myself (Rhys slept the whole way).

I'm so glad that we were able to get out of town together. It was fun to spend time with Rhys and not be thinking about work & other stressful stuff constantly. I'm starting to think I want to live by an ocean...

never

never in my wildest imagination did i ever dream i'd have a life like this.

but now, after all the crap, i am at peace. i hope that i am wiser for having come through - and out of - the awfulness of a dangerously destructive relationship. because of it, i have my awesome little boy. sometimes he was my only motivation for survival. i am grateful for how God responded when i was able to call out, and for the healing that has followed. it feels nice to be really alive again.

thank you, friends who loved me even when i was a heap of destruction.

hello again, toilet

here i sit, sipping a cup of celery juice. i'm in the middle of a colon cleanse. i've been on the toilet a lot today.

it's an 8-day cleanse with a liquids-only fast for 5 days, purchased from blessed herbs (blessedherbs.com). i'm on day 4, which is the first day with no solid food. for the previous three days, i ate less and less food and tried to eliminate the unhealthiest foods (dr. p, i miss you!). instead of food, every three hours (5x/day) i consume a substance with a texture like gritty cream of wheat and a flavor like dirty ginger. i hate ginger... but the only other option was peppermint which i also hate. spicy wins over icy. this substance is called "toxin absorber" and you should check out the website to see what it contains.

when i finish the colon cleanse, i'll be starting the internal cleanse which hits all the major detoxifying organs over 21 days. i can eat real food with that one!

i'm feeling pretty hungry and bloated - not to mention my sore, over-used rear. but i'm not feeling as weak or sick as i expected. several years ago i attempted a liquids-only fast without any aids and by day 2 my whole body hurt; i could hardly stand and felt like vomiting. my mom said, "just eat something!" so i did and haven't tried it again since. now, i understand that when there's nothing in your intestines to absorb the toxins which are trying to leave your body, it all just gets reabsorbed and you can end up feeling quite sick.

i think the hunger will decrease tomorrow, they say the first foodless day is the biggest hurdle. i am really hoping to experience a major improvement in my daily health over the next month of cleansing. it's worth a try; the docs have had no suitable solutions for my health problems. perhaps it's all just this toxic western lifestyle?

i'll let you know how it goes! in the mean-time check out blessedherbs.com. i also recommend the book "the maker's diet" with the associated web site: makersdiet.com.

dissolution

to what music does one listen when working on divorce paperwork? i feel i need some tunes; but which artist am i willing to tarnish with this distasteful task?

i will peruse my library...

guided by voices (robert pollard) comes to mind first, since the artist and music are already firmly associated in my psyche with drunkenness, addiction, and abandoment. maybe i will enjoy some of the better stuff some day. but now, i need something different...

some pavement would be ironic, since our relationship began through the discussion of one of their albums. but it doesn't feel right, i want something hopeful...

caedmon's call! that will work. i've got self titled (hand), 40 acres, and long line of leavers. those should last a few hours.

here goes.

outlets

why are electric outlets placed at mid-shin height? if you were a janitor, you'd wonder too. bending over time & again to plug in the vacuum gets tiresome. why can't the outlets be at waist height? my theory is that the near-floor height became standard for the sake of plugging in floor lamps. i guess extra chord would be used up in the height too... but it would be worth it.

speaking of outlets, i feel like i need to go for a hike. i need to have a good cry and journal it out. i'd really like to start the painting i've been picturing in my head. i want to dance with somebody (not necessarily somebody who loves me). i wish i had the energy to meet a friend for tea, have a really good talk, and be wholly present. instead, i'm overwhelmed and distracted. i will get through this time, i know. i have expectant hope... but for now it's a grind.

it's a beautiful life

I just had a fascinating conversation with my 26-month old son.

It is well known that his favorite song is “It’s a Beautiful Life” by Ace of Base. He asks to listen to it several times each day & will usually dance enthusiastically to the beats. So as we were driving home together tonight we were jamming in the car to my “happy music” compilation. when “It’s a Beautiful Life” ended and “Praise You” (Fatboy Slim) began, I heard Rhys babbling in the back of the car.

here’s how it went:

“Babble, babble, amen.”

I turned the music down and listened as he continued. When he paused, I asked, “Rhys, are you praying?”

He replied, “Yeah,” babbled more and said, “Amen!”

“Rhys, what are you praying about?”

“I’m pray to God,” he said in a matter-of fact tone.

“What did you say to God, sweetie?”

“I’m pray for God it’s a beautiful life but then it stopped.” He babbled more about the song & God.

Did you want to listen to “It’s a Beautiful Life” again?

“Yeah.”

“Okay!”

So we listened again.

I’ve got such a beautiful boy!