i never thought i'd be an oprah watcher

i haven't typically been a tv watcher during the day... kind of like wine drinking. it just doesn't seem appropriate until the evening. but occasionally of late, i've been turning it on at around three in the afternoon. yes, it's oprah time.

it's not as bad as i always assumed. some of the guests aren't very interesting to me, so i turn it off on those days. but sometimes, i really enjoy it. like how she's on this mission now to find child molestors and get them in jail. it was satisfying to see the stories about the two that have been caught so far.

unfortunately, she is pretty confused spiritually. i think she has really good intentions.

today she had a special report about poverty in the u.s.a. it makes me wonder how many people we may have in our part of town who are living below the poverty line. it is pretty rough around here... but i still don't know any really poor people (if you don't count my brother). how can i live among them and not even know any? i do try to be friendly with my section 8 housing neighbors, they just seem to want to move on when i talk to them, well except the mexicans next door, but i only speak a little spanish. i used to know hundreds in indiana, probably because i volunteered with an inner-city outreach, kids' church. i was just more connected in that city. here, i feel like people are so much more private and divided.

why are middle-classers afraid of poor people? i think one reason is that the only interaction we have across classes is when one class is offering aid to another. this automatically defines the relationship with one as the taker and the other as a giver. this carries the implication that one is better than the other. if we were to befriend the poor, do we fear we'll be sucked dry financially? would they just be leaches and make us feel too guilty to enjoy our own income? or could we have true give & take friendships as fellow people.

i think i used to be poor. my parents had some tough financial times when i was young. i do remember a wonderfully home-made Christmas one year. our parents couldn't afford to buy gifts, so my ever-resourceful mother made an impressive, furnished dollhouse out of bottles, packaging, boxes & fabric scraps. we loved that stuff for years! she created some other little jewels too, but the doll furniture was the best. our apartment complex at the time was pretty culturally diverse (which i had no concept of as a child... it never even crossed my mind that ethnicity had anything to do with whom a person was until i was at least 10). looking back, it's hard for me to tell how poor we might have seemed to outsiders. it didn't matter, my child eyes found marvels in the mundane... i felt rich when i discovered that the honeysuckle flowers beside our building held sweet nectar, the crab apple trees seemed an expansive kingdom for me to climb. the hollow metal light pole with an opening in the bottom was my own personal recording studio. i walked with a sceptar (stick), knocking seeds off of the sunflower hanging over a neighbor's fence. oh, and the blackberry bushes near the edge of the complex, now those were a real treasure.

that was fun to remember. what does all that have to do with anything? well, i guess, poor is a state of mind. then again, i always had food to eat. the truly destitute & malnourished are another story. it's pretty sad to know that we have that sort of poverty in our country. i have so many thoughts on this, about our role in this as the church, as individuals. i have gladly given meals on the spur of the moment to ragged people who asked (and some who didn't)... and a few times ended up having meaningful conversations as we sat and ate together. i encourage everyone to do this without fear. i have not done it much since i got married, to respect my husband's wishes concerning my safety; but i do miss those days of fearlessly seizing opportunities to connect with the needy. why are you afraid? nothing will happen to you that is outside of God's will, step out and see what he will do when you radically obey his command to feed & clothe the poor. maybe you'll actually make some friends along the way.

there are so many ways i could go with these thoughts, but it's too late, so i'm going to have to stop myself. but, as a result of these ramblings, i am inspired to finish reading no compromise. it's about the ministry of keith & melody green. now, they were radical.

i think i'm thinking too much

i obviously haven't been writing much since i started this pointless blog. the thing is, i keep thinking of things that i'd like to write about, but always see a reason why i shouldn't. for instance, i have a lot of observations and personal comments on marriage... but i know my husband would not like being discussed and exposed. even if i want to talk about marriage in general, my frame of reference is obviously in relation to him. but one thing i can say is: it really does take three to make a healthy marriage.

anyway, since i always shoot down my own ideas for what to post, i decided to just get on and write and see if anything would come to me.

well, i know rhys won't mind if i include him. he's my sweet little baby boy. he's almost a year old, and i still can't get over how awesome he is. he's learning so quickly. it's so fun now that he can understand some words and respond. i say, "where's your ball?" and he crawls right to it. i say, "clap your hands." and he obliges gleefully (usually). what a doll. it's so difficult to fathom that he will actually be a separate and independent person some day. he is so very dependent on me physically and emotionally right now.

it just makes me think about how young adults often become estranged from or resentful toward their parents. i wonder how that starts. it can't just be one day that the kids decide they no longer respect their parents... there must be a gradual distancing that goes unnoticed until it's too late. i need to find some older parents who never had that happen with their kids and get some advice. i'm not the type to withdraw my love when i disapprove of one's behavior, so i don't think i'll fall into that manipulative trap.

actually, i am probably more likely to err on the side of being too soft. i do understand the critical need for guidance and discipline; i believe the Bible clearly teaches that it is imperative part of parenting. my problem is that I tend to give the benefit of the doubt. especially since rhys can't speak for himself yet, i try to think of why he might be behaving badly and try to correct the situation rather than correcting him. this only seems logical and appropriate. i mean, there are obvious times when he's just plain being disobedient. i've told him a hundred times, "no" when he pulls on an electric cord. he knows it's off limits, but he still goes for sometimes. but some people think that he should be disciplined for crying when he's done eating and wants out of his high chair, or ignored when he cries because he wants to be held. i think those are legitimate baby needs, and he just hasn't learned a better way to let us know. my mom says that moms are just made to be the sympathetic ones, so maybe she's right.

one thing's for sure; i'd rather be too loving than too harsh. wouldn't you agree?

now, i must go snuggle with my sleeping little sweety and go to sleep myself. (yes, we co-sleep)