Thursday, June 29, 2006
skip the small talk
i've never been a lover of chit-chat, but lately i've been especially annoyed by small talk. we use the same old phrases everytime we see eachother, and they seldom hold true meaning. are we saying these empty things to fill the silence and avoid true connection? it's so not me. i don't have anything else profound to say about it right now... just felt like complaining.
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3 comments:
I think you're right, but I also think that small talk can be a bit of a social lubricant, you know - sort of ease you into conversation and intimacy instead of walking into a party, seeing someone you know, and going over to say "so how are you dealing with your parents' divorce these days?" (or, you know, some other equally exciting conversation topic...) Of course, I don't really mind it when people do that either, because at least then we're being real...
I was actually thinking the same thing today... that the small talk can serve the purpose of opening up more meaningful subjects. I guess what really bothers me is when the "how are you?" types of questions are asked flippantly without giving an opportunity for an in depth answer. Why say it if you don't care or don't have time to hear the truth?
Often when I've encountered a new culture, I've been taught their small talk. Zulu= "Saubona" < "Yebo" < "Unjani" < "Sicona". Thai= "Sawadeeka" Mandarin="Ni hao">"Ni hao ma?">"Chi fan le, mei you?" So, it's funny how every culture has some memorized phrases to say to someone you meet up with or encounter along the way. That last Chinese phrase literally means "Have you eaten?" but they don't use it to ask if a person has actually eaten. It's just basically a way of acknowledging the person's presence and showing concern for the person. I think the key is to remember that a lot of people actually want to connect in conversation, but they're not good at it, so sometimes they need the other person to ease some of the awkwardness by sending the conversation in a more interesting direction. But I do think that there are some people who are always looking beyond a person to someplace or some circle of people where they'd rather be, and for these people the small talk phrases are just a way to do a duty so they can get away to where they really want to be. This is no doubt annoying! I think all of this can be especially frustrating when you're going through things that make it hard to say "Fine" in response to a "How are you?". When people don't want to hear the real news on your day, you can feel snubbed. You know who's really good at using small talk to get to the good stuff? Marlene Scharbrough. If only there were more people like her who truly rejoice with those rejoicing and mourn with those in mourning. Well, you know you can always count on me to really want to know how you're doing. Just get over your disdain for the phone and call me!
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